In the olden days, families often sat around and passed stories on to their children. In today’s world kids are often so busy, or grandparents live across the country, and they typically don’t exchange those stories. Bridget Poizner, a San Diego personal and family historian, works with people to preserve their family history. She, along with other personal history professionals, shares several ways that capturing the stories of our elders can be helpful to our children.

Children learn by example, and stories about family members can convey a variety of life lessons. A person’s morals, values, and judgments come through in the stories they choose to tell and how they tell their story. Ellie Kahn, a personal and family historian in Los Angeles, tells a story about her great grandmother during the Great Depression. Kahn says, “When hobos came to the house, my grandmother would feed them a meal. That story gave me a sense of my values as a family. I come from people who do this sort of thing.”

Family stories give children a sense of connectedness. Peter Schwartz of Beverly Hills worked with a personal historian to create a book about his family. “The book helps our son see that he belongs and that he is a part of something. The stories and the discussion with family afterward give him a better sense of who this family is.”

The process strengthens relationships between family members. Story Corps is a national project in the U.S. that instructs and inspires people to record one another’s stories in sound. On the project Web site, Story Corps staff write, “The process of interviewing a friend, neighbor, or family member can have a profound impact on both the interviewer and the storyteller. People change, friendships grow, families walk away feeling closer and understanding each other better.”

Hearing their stories helps you see your elders in a new light. Thelma Balbes of Carlsbad worked with Poizner to create a video history for her descendants. While Balbes is still quite active, she has Parkinson’s disease and moves a little slower than in the past. She wants her grandchildren to know more about her than just who she is today. “They know me as a person who needs help sometimes. I want them to see me as a young person — growing up and learning, just like they are doing now.”

You’re convinced of the importance of recording family stories. Now you must convince grandma or grandpa they are worthwhile subjects. For those who are hesitant, Poizner suggests asking, “How would you like it if you had a video of your great-grandparents?” She says that simple question is often what it takes for them to understand how important this is to you.

“They need to be convinced that their life and their experiences are important for their grandchildren and descendants,” Kahn notes. “They don’t have to have lived extraordinary lives or to be a celebrity for it to be valuable to their children. It’s their heritage — it is really the most important thing they have to leave.”

If you choose, like Schwartz and Balbes, to hire a personal historian, the preparation will all be handled by the professionals. If you choose to do it on your own, several simple steps will increase your odds of conducting a successful interview.

Choose a format. Poizner sees different values in both a video and a book, and encourages people to do both.

“With a video you have the twinkle in their eye, their mannerisms, their laugh, the intonation of their voice,” she says. “But a book is more accessible and you can incorporate pictures.”

Audio is another option for those who don’t have access to a video camera. It is also less intrusive and a good choice for people who are uneasy being videotaped.

Choose a location — one that is comfortable for your interviewee. A quiet place is usually best, but another way that involves your entire family is to set up a video camera, or put a tape recorder on the table at a family dinner, and have everyone ask mom and dad questions. Familiarize yourself with the equipment. Practice ahead of time to make sure the recorder or video camera is working. Use electricity, or bring extra batteries. If at all possible, use an external microphone, which provides the least background noise.

Prepare a list of questions. Many books and Web sites offer suggestions for questions. Look to them for ideas, but be sure to choose questions based on your interviewee’s life. Choose open-ended questions or statements that begin with, “Tell me a story about,” “Why?” “Describe,” and “Explain.” Involve your children in making a list of questions. Young children may want to know what they played with and what happened when they got in trouble. Older kids will come up with more sophisticated questions about school or the world.

Be curious and listen closely. Write down follow-up questions that come to you while you are listening, so you can ask them later. If your subject goes off on a tangent, try not to interrupt. Kahn lets people meander and go wherever their own inner experiences take them. “That tangent can lead to a wonderful story,” she says.

Be respectful of your subject. There may be painful places where the person doesn’t want to go. Or they may not remember something. Be accepting, and make this a positive, encouraging, loving, patient, and compassionate process. If they cry, let them cry. If they get tired, stop the interview and pick up where you left off another day.

Do it now. Personal historians encourage you to not get so caught up in the details that you never get started. Kahn was scheduled to interview a 102-year-old woman and she passed away the day before the interview was scheduled. They waited too long and weren’t able to capture the life history that only she knew.

Poizner is a volunteer as a court advocate for foster children. Through this experience, she sees firsthand the value of family stories.

“I see children who have been separated from their families and don’t have stories. Or, the only stories they have are sad ones,” she says. “I see through the loss of stories how important they are.”

Don’t wait. Capture your family stories and embrace them. Preserve these memoirs of “life on the banks” for you, your children, and future generations. TAMMY NOTEBOOM